On Pregnant Women

SG: She is the ugliest woman I've ever seen. She's so fat. She's like large and in charge.
Roommate: Um... She's pregnant. It's a baby shower.

On Sexism

SG: I wouldn't want a man to know how to make a cake. That's something women should do, not men. Maybe I'm sexist.

On Oreos

SG: I hate Oreos. They are too small. Oreos should come in a stick, because then I could actually fit them in a cup.

On Yogurt

SG: Why isn't there any yogurt?

On Hieroglyphics

Roommate: He keeps on calling it "hydroglyphics" instead of "hieroglyphics".  Who are these people?
SG: Well, not everyone goes to Harvard.
Roommate: Um...

On Taking Notes

SG on the phone: So my business manager is this woman who has really long hair, but she's balding. She is scary. And she keeps asking me to take notes in meetings, but it's not like I can take notes when I don't know what's going on anyway.

On Volume

Roommate: My coffee maker needs 1 cup of coffee to work.
SG: Mine's bigger because it is 8 ounces.
Roommate: Umm. 8 ounces is 1 cup...

Follow Up To The World Cup 1

Homer's take on the correct pronunciation of Uruguay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLVJm7QW3dA

On Shoes

SG: It's probably a bad idea to put bleach on black shoes, isn't it?
Me: Probably...
SG: Oops. Too late!

On The World Cup 2

SG: Why are the games so early? Don't they know people need sleep?
Me: Because the games are in Africa.
SG: So?
Me: Um. There's a time zone difference.

On The World Cup

Me: So, today, Uruguay beat Ghana.
SG: Oh that's how you pronounce it? I thought it was "Yur - eee - gay"

On Riding the Bus

SG: Everybody on the bus smells. This one woman had this perfume on, and it smelled like asshole, and I was choking on it. Why don't people know when they smell like asshole?

On Smart Phones

Roommate: I want a smart phone, so I can surf the internet.
SG: What's a smart phone?
Roommate: Like a BlackBerry. You have one, right?
SG: Ya, but what makes a BlackBerry smart? It's a berry.
Roommate: Um.

On Supervisors

SG: I've only had Asian supervisors before, so this one's like, different. Because she's from Russia.

On Accounting Vs. Tax

SG on the phone with a co-worker: Wait, there are hot people in your accounting class? I guess it's like only 50% of Accounting and only 10% of Tax people are hot. 

On Religion

SG Facebook profile Religious Views: Conservative.

On Her Fist Day Of Work 3

SG to Mom: There are so many hot guys in my office. Well, OK, like 3 hot guys. But still. They're accountants, which is more than I thought.

On Her First Day Of Work 2

SG to Mom: I hate it when you call me when you're eating! I can't understand what you're saying! (Puts a bite of spaghetti in her own mouth).  What were you saying?

On Her First Day Of Work

SG to Mom: My mentor is SO HOT. She's like, Russian, and has these big boobs, and a bangin' bod. She also dressed a little scandalous, but, like whatever, she's so cute.

A Parable

Former SG: I got drunk and tried to do gymnastics in my front yard last night fell on my neck. It was my best friends bachelorette party and my parents forgot I don't have a house key and so I decided it would be fun while I was locked out to just dick around and do stupid shit. Talk about a stupid sorority girl!